Perfectionism

images

 

Perfectionism is setting your up for failure. Simply, because perfection in and of itself can not be met. The implication of perfection is a cycle of continuous searching and never truly finding.

I can remember when I was an early writer and would need the perfect pen, jus the right note pad or book. Nothing was ever good enough and I realized I felt busy was actually wasn’t accomplishing anything. The busy I felt was the searching and obviously that didn’t get me fare in my desired objective.

Dr. David Burns, an adjunct professor in the Department of Psychiatry and BehavioralSciences at the Stanford University School of Medicine, puts it this way: “Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make yourself a happier and more productive person.”

Perfectionism also causes depression. Depending on the individual it can be mild or server. The constant feeling of unmet goals is very dissatisfying and lowers ones self-esteems and self-confidence.

Here are some signs:

You have a difficult time accepting being “second best” in any endeavor, even those you aren’t really interested in. You are highly competitive and can’t stand to lose…at anything.

You might avoid any activities or tasks when you know you won’t be the best, for example, suppose you are a great basketball player but only mediocre at baseball. You refuse to play baseball, even in a casual environment, because you aren’t the best on the team.

You would rather give up on a task than not do it perfectly. If you get to a meeting late, you don’t go in. If you don’t think your report is perfect, you don’t bother handing it in. If you can’t do it perfectly, you don’t bother wasting your time trying.

You sacrifice your own well being to make something perfect. You might skip eating or sleeping so you can continue to work on a project because it isn’t perfect yet.

You believe that there is a “right” and “wrong” way to do most things. You don’t see that there might be several different ways to achieve the same end.

You don’t accept in-betweens. Everything is either perfect or it is a failure. You don’t believe that anything can be “okay.” If you have not achieved perfection, you have failed. There are no grey areas in your life, only black and white.

You are highly critical of mistakes. You might be extremely detail oriented, because not only must the final project be correct but every detail along the way must be perfect as well. You notice any mistake or error, whether you made it or someone else did.

You obsess about previous mistakes, mulling over what you did and did not do correctly. You worry that you did not do enough or did something wrong.

You become defensive if anyone points out any errors or makes any criticisms about your work because it implies that you were not or are not perfect.

You are a “people pleaser.” You want everyone to think highly of you and be happy with what you have accomplished or done. You become stressed if someone is not pleased with your work.

You are judgmental and critical of others. You want perfection not only in what you do but in everything around you. You quickly criticize any errors made by those around you.

You have a difficult time emotionally connecting with other people. Because you have an intense need to be accepted and a great fear of rejection, you might find it easier to not connect and therefore not risk rejection.

The project is never done and an always be better, so you continue working on it and it never really get finished.

You find it very difficult if other people see you make a mistake.

You think asking for help is a sign of weakness.

You have a need to be in control. If working on a group project, you automatically take the lead and decide what tasks everyone else will complete. You take on extra work to make sure it is done right. You believe in “if you want it done right, do it yourself.” You have a difficult time working in a group if you are not in control.

I found this great definition of comfort zone in of all places Wiki: A comfort zone is a psychological state in which things feel familiar to a person and they are at ease and in control of their environment, experiencing low levels of anxiety and stress. … Casandra Brené Brown, a research Doctor of Philosophy, defines the term as “a behavioral state where a person operates in an anxiety-neutral position.”

I love that phrase: ‘..anxiety neutral state.’ Simply means you love status quo and don’t want to rock the boat either way – toward change positively or negatively. And this place is death to the soul and being able to not only experience life but your self as well.

There are a ton of inspirational quotes that encourage you to get out and do something strange out of character, something you wouldn’t normally do – but getting out of your routine just takes so much work. There’s actually a lot of science that explains why it’s so hard to do this and break out of your ‘comfort zone’ and why it’s good for you when you do it.

It’s important to push the boundaries of your comfort zone and when you do, a big deal. What is the “comfort zone” exactly? Why is it that we tend to get comfortable with the familiarity of our routines? And when we’re introduced to new and interesting things, the glimmer fades so quickly? Finally, what benefit do we derive from breaking out of our comfort zone, and how do we do it?

Your “real life” is out there waiting for you. Your real life exists beyond the bubble of your own personal thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Your real life is the sum total of ALL of your experiences, not just the one’s you’re comfortable with. And challenging yourself pushes you to tap into your personal store of untapped knowledge and resources. You have no idea what you’re made of unless and until you venture outside of your own familiar world.

Taking risks, regardless of their outcome, are growth experiences. Even if you make mistakes or don’t get it right the first time. You always have these experiences to tap into in the future. There really is no such thing as “fail” if you got something out of the experience. I like to look at FAIL as – “first attempt in learning”.

Don’t settle for the mediocre just to avoid stepping out of your comfort zone; it’s too big a price to pay. Your challenges and risk experiences are cumulative. Every time you try something new, allow yourself to be open to new experiences – you learn something about yourself and life. As you do this you are also expanding the size of your comfort zone. And once stretched, it doesn’t recoil back.

It may seem overwhelming and daunting to step into the unknown. But instead of thinking of the “big picture”, it may be easier to break down what you want or need to accomplish by making small changes. Small changes accumulate and each change builds upon the last one. Just like stacking bricks to build a building. Soon enough you have a series of small changes leading up to the big picture.

Here are some reason to break through your comfort zone. No matter in education, physical skills and abilities, emotional challenges…

 

1 – Confidence takes practice

2 – Complacency is a creative killer

3 – It will help you develop needs to succeed

4 – Great things don’t happen with your Comfort Zone.

Attitude Adjustment

First let’s look at what Attitude is: a feeling or opinion about something or someone, or a way of behaving that is caused by this. This definition by Cambridge Dictionary, is the best definition I found that simply says what Attitude is. Now what does this mean? Attitude is so much more and can not be limited or reduced to a definition.

Attitude is responsible for what gives you and what you give bak to life. Sounds like a lot? Well in conjunction with your Beliefs or Mind-set (what your Mind is set on), it determines the way you think, see (relate to), re-act to or from, question and act out to everything in your life. Ultimately, you will have a different attitude toward the various and different things, issues, relationship in your life. It also is how you feel and act out toward money, achievement, goals, security and taking chances. The levels in which your comfortable to adventurous.

So, in short – your attitude is responsible for your Success and Achievement in life. Your attitude toward something can be seen by others even when you think it’s not visible. Your attitude shows up in your words and posture and other physical signs just as much as in your thoughts and emotions.

Your attitude defines and delimits your level of success. If you have a generally lousy attitude, you’ll never really be successful. If you have a generally upbeat attitude, however, you’ll always achieve at least some level of success.

Your attitude determines how you interpret what events mean. Take obstacles, for example. Everyone who pursues any goal will inevitably run into obstacles. Your attitude determines what those obstacles mean and therefore how well you deal with them.

If you have a lousy attitude, you’ll see obstacles as threats and annoyances. Even if you overcome them, you’ll find the process frustrating, which will make future obstacles harder to cope with. Which in turn by feeling the obstacles are harder you will most likely look to avoid them and then in turn avoid the challenge or journey to completing your goal in the first place.

If you’ve got a positive attitude, you’ll see obstacles as interesting or even fun. Even if you fail to overcome them, you’ll find the process invigorating, which will make future obstacles easier to overcome.

I ran into a perfect example of this the other day as I was trying to find a parking space in a covered car lot. Suddenly, another car zipped around a blind corner and we would have crashed if we both hadn’t quickly braked.

My first thought was: “Wow, I’m sure glad that we (meaning me and the other driver) have fast reflexes!” I’m not exactly sure what the other driver thought, but she gave me the single-finger salute accompanied by an expletive.

Now, it’s never pleasant to be the target of that kind of animosity, but my next thought was to feel sorry for her. She was in a small car with four kids and clearly having a horrible day. (I felt sorry for the kids, too.)

Clearly still furious, she drove off even faster than she’d been driving before. I, however, slowed down because I took the almost-accident as a warning that I needed to pay more attention to my driving.

Now – I could have very well had the same attitude the woman in the other car had and we both would have not gotten the spot, possibly got into another accident or simply ruined the rest of our day.

Business is similar to this. Thing happens. Your attitude can determine how you interpret and experience events and therefore the strategies and tactics you’ll follow up with.

This doesn’t prevent people with lousy attitudes from not winning sometimes. They do, but it’s always accompanied with massive hassle and complaint. When they finally win, they feel exhausted.

Just the same, having an upbeat attitude doesn’t bulletproof you against failure. You’ll fail sometimes, but your attitude makes it easy to learn from your mistakes. And when you do win, you feel exhilarated. In addition, a positive or optimistic attitude will always help you to see beyond the limits of the event itself and find more resolutions, answers, options…

Some people believe that their lousy attitude is part of who they are. Not true. Your attitude can be changed and is associated with others things (beliefs, mind-set…) that can be changed also. It used to be the school of thought that Mind-set was locked to your genes somehow. But it’s not. You have either a Fixed Mind-set or Growth Mind-set. And they feed your attitude. Fixed mindsets more commonly are the ones that foster lousy attitudes and Growth mindsets foster positive and optimistic attitudes.

Regardless of what you do for a living, your real job — the foundation of what you will or won’t accomplish — is fueled by your attitude. The more upbeat you are, the more likely you are to be successful at whatever you do.

 

The Golden Rule

18 Tips for Living by the Golden Rule

“…thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”, Leviticus 19:18

One of the few rules I try to live my life by, and fail every day trying, is the Golden Rule.

I love the simplicity of the Golden Rule, its tendency to make I interact with happier … and its tendency to make me happier as well.

It’s true: the rule of treating others as you would want to be treated in their place will ultimately lead to your own happiness.

Let’s say that you apply the Golden Rule in all of your interactions with other people, and you help your neighbors, you treat your family with kindness, you go the extra mile for your co-workers, you help a stranger in need.

Now, those actions will undoubtedly be good for the people you help and are kind to … but you’ll also notice a strange thing. People will treat you better too, certainly. Beyond that, though, you will find a growing satisfaction in yourself, a belief in yourself, a knowledge that you are a good person and a trust in yourself.

Those are not small dividends. They are huge. And for that reason — not even considering that our world will be a better place if more people live by this rule — I recommend you make the Golden Rule a focus of your actions, and try to live by it to the extent that you can.

I will admit that there are strong arguments against the Golden Rule, that there are exceptions and logic arguments that the Golden Rule, taken to extremes, falls apart. I’m not concerned about that stuff. The truth is, on a day-to-day basis, living by the Golden Rule will make you a better person, will make those around you happier, and will make the community you live in a better place.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at some practical tips for living the Golden Rule in your daily life:

  1. Practice empathy. Make it a habit to try to place yourself in the shoes of another person. Any person. Loved ones, co-workers, people you meet on the street. Really try to understand, to the extent that you can, what it is like to be them, what they are going through, and why they do what they do.
  2. Practice compassion. Once you can understand another person, and feel what they’re going through, learn to want to end their suffering. And when you can, take even a small action to somehow ease their suffering in some way.
  3. How would you want to be treated? The Golden Rule doesn’t really mean that you should treat someone else exactly as you’d want them to treat you … it means that you should try to imagine how they want to be treated, and do that. So when you put yourself in their shoes, ask yourself how you think they want to be treated. Ask yourself how you would want to be treated if you were in their situation. John F. Kennedy did that during the controversial days of de-segregation in the 1960s, asking white Americans to imagine being looked down upon and treated badly based only on the color of their skin. He asked them to imagine how they would want to be treated if they were in that situation, and act accordingly towards the blacks.
  4. Be friendly. When in doubt, follow this tip. It’s usually safe to be friendly towards others. Of course, there are times when others just don’t want someone acting friendly towards them, and you should be sensitive to that. You should also be friendly within the bounds of appropriateness. But who doesn’t like to feel welcome and wanted?
  5. Be helpful. This is probably one of the weaknesses of our society. Sure, there are many people who go out of their way to be helpful, and I applaud them. But in general there is a tendency to keep to yourself, and to ignore the problems of others. Don’t be blind to the needs and troubles of others. Look to help even before you’re asked.
  6. Be courteous in traffic. Another weakness of our society. There are few times when we are as selfish as when we’re driving. We don’t want to give up the right of way, we cut people off, we honk and curse. Perhaps it’s the isolation of the automobile. We certainly don’t act that rude in person, most of the time. So try to be courteous in traffic.
  7. Listen to others. Another weakness: we all want to talk, but very few of us want to listen. And yet, we all want to be listened to. So take the time to actually listen to another person, rather than just wait your turn to talk. It’ll also go a long way to helping you understand others.
  8. Overcome prejudice. We all have our prejudices, whether it’s based on skin color, attractiveness, height, age, gender … it’s human nature, I guess. But try to see each person as an individual human being, with different backgrounds and needs and dreams. And try to see the commonalities between you and that person, despite your differences.
  9. Stop criticism. We all have a tendency to criticize others, whether it’s people we know or people we see on television. However, ask yourself if you would like to be criticized in that person’s situation. The answer is almost always “no”. So hold back your criticism, and instead learn to interact with others in a positive way.
  10. Don’t control others. It’s also rare that people want to be controlled. Trust me. So don’t do it. This is a difficult thing, especially if we are conditioned to control people. But when you get the urge to control, put yourself in that person’s shoes. You would want freedom and autonomy and trust, wouldn’t you? Give that to others then.
  11. Be a child. The urge to control and criticize is especially strong when we are adults dealing with children. In some cases, it’s necessary, of course: you don’t want the child to hurt himself, for example. But in most cases, it’s not. Put yourself in the shoes of that child. Remember what it was like to be a child, and to be criticized and controlled. You probably didn’t like it. How would you want to be treated if you were that child?
  12. Send yourself a reminder. Email yourself a daily reminder (use Google Calendar or memotome.com, for example) to live your life by the Golden Rule, so you don’t forget.
  13. Tie a string to your finger. Or give yourself some other reminder throughout the day so that you don’t forget to follow the Golden Rule in all interactions with others. Perhaps a fake golden ring on your keychain? A tattoo? 🙂
  14. Post it on your wall or make it your home page. The Golden Rule makes a great mantra, and a great poster.
  15. Rise above retaliation. We have a tendency to strike back when we’re treated badly. This is natural. Resist that urge. The Golden Rule isn’t about retaliation. It’s about treating others well, despite how they treat you. Does that mean you should be a doormat? No … you have to assert your rights, of course, but you can do so in a way where you still treat others well and don’t strike back just because they treated you badly first. Remember Jesus’ wise (but difficult to follow) advice: turn the other cheek.
  16. Be the change. Gandhi famously told us to be the change we want to see in the world. Well, we often think of that quote as applying to grand changes, such as poverty and racism and violence. Well, sure, it does apply to those things … but it also applies on a much smaller scale: to all the small interactions between people. Do you want people to treat each other with more compassion and kindness? Then let it start with you. Even if the world doesn’t change, at least you have.
  17. Notice how it makes you feel. Notice how your actions affect others, especially when you start to treat them with kindness, compassion, respect, trust, love. But also notice the change in yourself. Do you feel better about yourself? Happier? More secure? More willing to trust others, now that you trust yourself? These changes come slowly and in small increments, but if you pay attention, you’ll see them.
  18. Say a prayer. There is a prayer on the Golden Rule, attributed to Eusebius of Caesarea, that would be worth saying once a day. It includes the following lines, among others:

“May I gain no victory that harms me or my opponent.
May I reconcile friends who are mad at each other.
May I, insofar as I can, give all necessary
help to my friends and to all who are in need.
May I never fail a friend in trouble.”

Don’t Believe All The Hype … All this posting about success strategies, methods, online develpment, social media frinzy … you name it. How do you know what is real, what works and what is bullstinky?

First you must realize that a system, method, funnel… alone won’t make you money, rich, wealthy, happy, fulfill your dreams… It’s what’s behind it that will: Your Mind-set (what your Mind is Set on). Your mindset is based on a set of beliefs and those are what formulate your thoughts, reasons for doing, not doing and the questions you ask. That determine the ‘what and how’ you do.

If you don’t have the MindSet to get through tough times, challenging monents, the days, weeks, months that your system, funnel … isn’t bringing you money yet – will you give up, find a new way, find a new system? What questions will you ask, how will you know your asking the right questions? Do you have a Solution or Problem based mindset? How do you know?

There are several things you must to if you want to succeed. First, let me express that I don’t believe we all want Success in the end. I see it a different way. I see Success as the thing you want to do in order to Achieve your dreams, goals, aspirations…. I believe we all want to ACHIEVE certain things, sertain amount of wealth, social status, family structure, being a type of parent… and that it is the steps we need to take that we want to succeed at in order to raise the chances of our achieving what we want.

So, if you want to Achive certain things and know what the steps are and path to be successful at along the way – you need a mentor, guide, Condition of Life to subscribe to…. you need influences that will give you the things that you need to be successful at in order to Achieve you desires.

The first system you need to buy into is your Belief Ssystem.

 

 

Live Your Life

 

fullsizeoutput_e86

Too often we are subjected, unconsciously so, to live a life that somebdoy else designed for us. It’s never too late to live the life you have always wanted for yourself. Sure things may not be exactly the same as they might have before, but it could be better. The thing of it you never know unless you try.

I say take the chance and Move from the Land of Make Believe to the Land of Make and Believe. This  means to stop livng out of faulse persona and start living from a deeper sense of truth for yourself. This can be in expression, habits of action, your thinking, the reason why you do or don’t do things…

Sure there is somethings called respect and sacrific for others and being the better. But where does the line get drawn, where do you fulfill doing or having or being something you have longed for?

I disclose ways from my experience and those of others to help paint a path for you to get a clue for having success in the steps toward achieving your ultimate dreams or yourself. there are dozens of systems out there that can help you to succeed. It’s just a matter of choosing the right one for you. The only thing is that these systems aren’t full proof. The only thing you ccan truely count on is yourself. And quite frankly if you don’t have what it takes, how can you even then count on you?

In my experience and through the research I’ve done over 20years – your mind is the end all deciding factor for your success and being able to achieve what you want. Yup, your mind; your Mind-set. What your Mind is Set on – your beliefs, even the ones you aen’t aware of. Yes, you have a belief system you aren’t aware of. This is formulated at a very young age and through the Conditions of Life you have been exposed, obsorbing its qulities, values, attributes – MindSet.

If you want to succeed, you must have a Success Mindset or a Growth Mindset, as mentioned by Dr. Carol S. Dwerk – and is someting that can be learned. Which has been something thought to be unchangable for decades.

New Mindset – New Results

Check out the Free ebook I’m offering on clues to building the success you want and start to create a Growth Mindset.

 

FREE ebook


The Elevator Pitch has gotten a new face a recognition through the Start-up evolution as The Pitch. The Pitch is front and center in all Start-up eco-systems: events, incubators, funding seeking ….
The Pitch had all the exposure it needs, however I don’t see that it has the reapect it deserves. The Pitch offers so many opportunities and yet isn’t taken serious enough for all it offers. 

The Pitch helps retain funding, market research, sales, team building, branding…. Yet, so many hate doing it, don’t want to do it, fluff the experience by not putting the effort into it or short cutting it with just the necessities.

The Pitch is a short form business plan and can help you to focus on the importances of your business, product or service. It helps to deliver a concise, direct and clear bit of information about the What, How and Why of your Company, Product or Service. This is important – why ?

The more precise and concise you ate the more clear you can be and people need to know clearly what you have. You don’t want too many questions. You want people to understand and be inspired to buy.

Learn to prsent your Pitch with Pizzazz, Professionalism and Presence. Pizzazz -you  must be enthusiastic about it, it you want to gain interest – be interested. Professionalism – know your stuff, prepare and kniw your audience. Presence – understanding body and verbal language (yours and theirs) to engage and direct audience or client.

Get Success Strategies to help support and accelerate your success with business and personal growth.                                             NOS – New Opportunities for Success

focus red word and conceptual target

Hello –

There are a lot of ideas about how to obtain and achieve success. I believe that first of all Success is a personal determining achievement. And the first step in achieving Success in any way is to first determine what you want to succeed in. Relationships, business, a certain amount of money, social recognition, a projects success….

The first most important facilitating agent to achieving success is yes, determining what you want to succeed in – because one of the most important instruments for achieving success is to be specific. Specificity is key to achieving success in any avenue.

When you are specific and know what you want – then you can focus on how best to get it and you become mentally focused, emotionally targeted and creativity attuned to pro-actively making it happen. Your chances increase hundred fold to getting that and making it happen.

There is a little saying: Energy flows where Thought goes. This is the bases for the Law of Attraction. I like to say: Energy flows where Thought goes, then Life Grows. This principle identifies the basic manifesting point of anything, especially success or failure. The difference between getting what you want and not. If this principle is accurate, which it is, then the more specific and clear you are on your thoughts and ideas about what you want – the more concentrated and focused the energy will be toward the thing you want.

The dictionary has a definition for focus that I like: adjustment for distinct vision; also :  the area that may be seen distinctly or resolved into a clear image…                                           More can be found – https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/focus

Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Daniel Goleman, Richard St. John… and so many others write and talk about the importance of Focus and Success.

There are other things that are related to focus, like – what to focus on, how to focus and the fuel behind the focus: the thing, Your Why, knowing what you don’t want while focusing on what you want. These we will talk about in our next post Success Strategy #2.

For now know that to be focused is important and start by knowing what you want to focus on Specifically.

Until next time remember –  ENERGY FLOWS WHERE THOUGHT GOES AND LIFE GROWS

Perception

Your perception is what drives you ability to succeed or not. It influences the questions you ask and the answers you get that you buy into… How do you see things…?

perception1
The Power Of Perception is extremely important to understand with regard to how and why you attract and come to experience the day to day life experiences in each area of life. It’s important that is, if you have a “sincere desire” to begin consciously and consistently creating more desirable outcomes than you have.

How you perceive a situation, regardless of what that situation may consist of or which area of life it is, has a direct impact on the future results that you will inevitably experience as a result of that perception, or more specifically the emotions that are experienced as result of the perceptions that you hold.

First, to ensure that we’re on the same page with regard to what a perception is, let’s take a look at the precise meaning of perception as defined in the Merriam Webster Dictionary.

It defines perception as…..

Perception : act of perceiving, 1 a : a result of perceiving : OBSERVATION b : a mental image : CONCEPT 2 a obsolete : CONSCIOUSNESS 3 a : awareness of the elements of environment through physical sensation b : physical sensation interpreted in the light of experience 4 a : quick, acute, and intuitive cognition : APPRECIATION b : a capacity for comprehension.

Based on the above definition we can conclude that a perception, more importantly YOUR perception of something is an observation, interpretation, or a mental image that you hold with regard to some event, condition, or circumstance. In other words it is how you SEE things in the world around you that molds, shapes and determines your individual relationships to things, people – the world around us/you.

So, with that said… if you

Focus on what you want.
Instruct your subconscious mind to create the things you want in life.
Look for opportunities.
Change the way you see things… you’ll change your life.

You can attract positive situations into your life.
You can achieve your goals.
You can enjoy success, happiness and more.
Focus on the good things that you have in life and you’ll attract more positive situations.
Believe that you can have what you want and you will.

Seeing isn’t believing – believing is seeing. Your perception creates and defines the relationships you had, have and will have in your life. And if you want a progressively positive and more fruitful life, things in your life and people in your life you must meet Perceptions cousin Positive. Positive is another way of seeing possibilities. You can see just as many possibilities of bad things as you can positive things. Being open to possibilities doesn’t mean or garantee they are ‘positive’. However, if you want them to be on the better, liter, fulfilling side – then create a Preception of Positivity and think of Posibilities.